Adventures of a Visiting Speaker

I was asked to talk to the Little Bollington WI – subject Women At War. Looked up the venue on the net and it seemed fairly straightforward – basically straight up the M56 and then a short diversion. However, decided I’d better take the Sat Nav just in case. Big mistake! Instead of sticking to the M-Way she (my Sat Nav’s name is Jemima by the way) decided we should take the scenic route. After about half an hour of wandering through the country lanes she told me to turn right, down a road that was clearly marked as a dead end. I ignored her and hoped she would find another way round. After a long diversion she brought me back to the same point. ‘Turn right!’ she ordered. I was in the middle of nowhere, with no identifiable landmarks. Beginning to panic by this time, I telephoned the number of the lady who had asked me to speak. She had left, but her husband eventually managed to work out where I was. ‘Oh, you’re almost there.’ he said. ‘Keep on along the main road and take the first turning on the left.’ Reassured, I set off again. None of the roads to the left seemed to be what I wanted and I found myself at a busy and complicated roundabout system. Jemima had completely lost the plot by now and wanted to take me back across the M-Way, which I knew must be wrong. I consigned her to the glove box and phoned again. No answer! I headed back the way I had come. Now half an hour late and reduced to a gibbering wreck I rang the lady’s mobile. ‘I’m completely lost! I’m sitting outside a pub called the Swan with Two Nicks.’  ‘Oh, you’re nearly here. Wait and I’ll send someone to find you.’ This she duly did and it turned out I was withing half a mile and had already driven past the place once! So, instead of arriving in good time, cool, calm and collected, I arrived hot, bothered and teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Luckily, the members were still dealing with the business of the meeting so I had time to draw breath. In the end, the talk went very well and I sold a lot of books – and afterwards I was given a guide to get me back to the motorway. So it was worth it in the end – but boy! was I glad to get home!